Chinese Water Torture

June 10, 2017

I guess if I want to be like the rest of the world, I’ll have to get used to liking torture. “Thank you sir, may I have another?!”

I thought I’d catch the latest NBA playoffs, not because I love sports, but rather to see the dramatics. Who will excel and who will disappoint?

Since I don’t own a tv, I watch stuff on my laptop using my family’s cable tv account. Live streaming, how great!

As anyone who has watched these games must know all too well, the torture session starts right away.

Drip drip drip, right over your forehead until you go insane.

The same dumb insurance commercial plays over and over and over.

In the beginning, two basketball players say three sentences that are related to basketball. I can’t remember what they said now, I’m like a trauma victim who has memory blocks. Something about, nice shot, or you really did that, or something.

Then later in the commercial, something awful happens to their propery. A tree falls on their car or their friends have destroyed the house for some odd reason.

The funny part, I assume the ad agency thought, is that the same three sentences that seemed to apply to basketball earlier are now repeated again, but it now “cleverly” applies to propery damage and having the right kind of insurance. “You did that!”

For fucks sake, the ad is so dumb and they repeat the same commercial over and over until I cry uncle, reveal my social security number, and any other national secrets I can make up.

When this ad is finally over, the next dumb commercial comes on.

A little girl, wearing a suit or something, riding her black trike, full of attitude. Right next to her, a grown woman is also driving her black car.

They both pull up to the same driveway and hit a paint can over, spilling black paint everywhere in some type of design.

I guess the admen wanted to jump on the wave of women’s empowerment. The ad ends with a call for women to embrace their inner rebelliousness and buy this car. Something like that, I can’t remember now.

Is there any woman out there who’s gonna fall for this blatant commercial attempt to fool them?

Every time there’s an ad break in the game, I hyperventilate, dive for the mute button, and avert my gaze. Yet, they still somehow find a way to torture me with their condescending, idiotic, annoying commercials.

I feel like switching to Geico, or moving to some third world country and ride their crowded public transport in protest!

Spare us this torture and make better commercials please!