Feng Shui Adventures: I

June 1, 2017

Once upon a time, I lived in a shitty apartment in a shitty town.
My home was right on the main road with nonstop rushing traffic. No peace of mind or quiet. You could not park in the front for even a second but would have to go through a backdoor alley to get inside.

That meant every time I ordered food, the drivers would get confused. “No no, you have to go through the side alley from that other road and drive to the back of the house by the third garage on your left.”

It was in a sketchy neighborhood with sketchy folks. It had a garage that was hard to get in and out of, which backed into that small busy alley that only one car at a time could pass through. I did not like my neighbors nor they me. (I never weeded or mowed my lawn on time.)

My car would get stuck in the snow in the middle of the alley every winter. No one would help, they all turned around and drove the other way when they saw me.

Not only that, my job was an hour away. That meant twice a day, five days a week, I was forced to drive on the highways, bumper to bumper, with other psychos, going to a place I didn’t like, to make money, to return to a place I liked even less.

The city flooded in back to back summers.
These floods were only supposed to happen once every 100 years and they had improved the sewer system right before to accommodate big downpours. Supposedly. But every single house and apartment found their entire basements flooded and destroyed, in two consecutive years. That small back alley that only one car could get through at a time was now full of moldy couches and soaked trash.

What a perfect time to try this odd asian thing called feng shui, I thought!

I rearranged my furniture.
I had the walls painted different colors according to the bagua.
I clutter cleared. Rang tibetan bells. Lit incense.
Bought special houseplants.

Yet, nothing happened.

The last resort in those situations, which should’ve been my first resort, is to MOOOOVE! And so I did.

Can’t put lipstick on jabba the -fatt slob of a- hutt, it seems.