How To Deal With Your Haters

November 15, 2016

No matter who you are, there will be someone who you don’t get along with.

To you, the other person is the hater. They obstruct your ideas. They talk down to you in public. They sneer and make comments. It’s like oil and water. Their only goal is to stop you from succeeding, it seems. He’s the Draco Malfoy to your Harry Potter.

The following are the techniques I’ve figured out so far to deal with obstacles & blockages in the form of humans. Think of them as a spiritual journey towards nonresistance, nonjudgment, and nonattachment.

“Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.”
– Eckhart Tolle

1. Do you want to change?
That’s the first question to ask yourself. Because sometimes it feels really good to hate on your hater and not everyone (surprisingly) wants to improve and change the situation.

2. Fight
You can fight back emotionally or physically. Eye for an eye. Nasty words for nasty words.

You can even eliminate the other person, aka muuuurder. This may have been ok in the olden days or if you live in an uncivilized country but unfortunately you will probably go to jail if you do this. Even if you don’t get caught, your soul will be suffering forever. There’s no hiding from that.

No matter how hard your resist and fight, the enemy grows stronger. That’s the irony of this technique (trust me, I’ve tried and wasted many a years trying to make this work!).

3. Flight
“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.”
– Jim Rohn

You can get break up with the girlfriend. Get a divorce. Stop being friends with the hater or hanging out in the same circles. Quit your job. Move out of your neighborhood. Go to a different school, state, country.

What you’ll realize though after a few years of running is that no matter where you go, these types of people show up in your life. Different faces, same results.

This is a spiritual journey. This is an inner journey. The conflict inside you is being reflected on the outside. There are some lessons to be learned here before this obstacle goes away. The best thing to do is to work on that dissolving that issue.

(Don’t get me wrong, leave that abusive situation first, then do the spiritual work. Don’t stay in unhappy situations for a second longer than needed!)

4. Change the hater into your friend
Ben Franklin reveals in his autobiography that he had a hater. A guy who always went against him.

So one day, he had an idea. He asked the guy if he could borrow a rare & valuable book from his library. The guy, having his ego stroked, happily obliged.

Later Ben returned the book with a note of thanks for the huge favor the guy had done. Their cold war suddenly ended and turned into a tropical friendship that lasted the rest of their lives.

Humans are conditioned for reciprocity. Haters rarely do favors for their enemies, so once a favor is done, the mind has to deal with that paradox. This is known as commitment and consistency. In this case, the mind decided since a favor was done and since Ben showed great humility and civility, it was best to rethink the rocky relationship.

Robert Cialdini, professor of marketing & psychology, wrote about these techniques in his book Influence. Two of his weapons of influence are reciprocity and commitment & consistency.

5. Change Yourself
“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”
– Victor Frankl, psychiatrist & holocaust survivor

These are my favorite tools.

EFT
You can do EFT to remove all the emotional thorns stuck inside your body, things that get triggered by the other person. The other person may still be a hater but you won’t feel anything. You will be detached. This is a free and easy diy tool that can be done any time any place. And it works.

Forgive & Release Them
To remove the tension within, you can forgive the other person for all their mistakes.

They know not what they’re truly doing and their higher self, the divine self, would not act like this anyways. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools of all time. You can also choose to release them from your thoughts. Let go and let god.

This is something you can say mentally, picture yourself doing to the other person, write it down on a piece of paper, or say out loud verbally. Or do all four.

They Forgive & Release You
This is a great new powerful technique I picked up from Catherine Ponder. Usually we are ready to forgive and release but the other person may still harbor strong negative feelings toward us.

She recommends that we picture their inner self, the divine self, forgiving and releasing us, even though their human self may not. Because in the bigger picture, the divine self is an unconditionally loving being and wants to forgive and forget. I tried this the other day on a longstanding hater and the results were immediate!

Appreciate Them
This is a tough one to do, I admit, but a powerful technique if you can get yourself to do it.

Make a list of things that are good about your hater. Usually we are so stuck on all their negative qualities that we have a hard time seeing their good. We are not appreciating them for their benefit, we’re doing it for our benefit, because as soon as we can appreciate that there’s some good in them, we can release the negative bonds that tie us together.

Cord Cutting
When there are deep negative emotions between two people, it means there are deep emotional cords stuck between the two of you. So you can visualize the emotional & spiritual cords being cut, with the help of Divine forces like Archangel Michael. This really works too.

Just ask for Archangel Michael to come and help you cut those cords and you can visualize it happening. That’s it.

Light Shields
I’m very new to this technique, mainly because I still don’t understand why we need to do this and why it should work, but it does work.

You can shield your body by visualizing protective light cocooning it. You can even have multiple layers of light meant for different purposes.

For example, I recently experimented with shielding with three layers of light before my encounter with a negative & combative person. First layer white for angelic protection, then emerald green for healing my body, and lastly pink for protection against negativity.

The results have been positive. I felt more calm and grounded, while the normally combative person has been acting way nicer. Best of all, like all my favorite tools, this is also free to do!

Resources:
Etheric Cord Cutting – Doreen Virtue
Shielding For Sensitive People – Doreen Virtue