How to communicate with other humans

January 1, 2016

What’s up, niccaraguan.

I want to tell you a story, on how to socially interact with other human beings.

Background
I’ve always felt like an alien when it comes to human interactions. I don’t know if it’s due to nature or nurture.

Nature-wise, my family moved houses, cities, and countries a bunch of times during my youth. So it was tough to get deep roots during formative years. My parents were also super overprotective, so us kids couldn’t leave the house at all most of the time.

Nurture-wise, it seems I was born as a highly sensitive person. Introverted. Uber comfortable with solitude and silence. Being in my head.

This led to many situations where I simply wouldn’t speak at all. Some adults thought I was deaf or dumb at first impression. I couldn’t make eye contact, never spoke up in class, and used to be so scared to speak up that the barber assumed I wanted a crew cut and proceeded to shave my whole head.

Anyways, that was then and this is now.
Oftentimes, our weakness can be transformed into a strength.

Post college, I spent YEARS listening to “How to Win Friends and Influence People” on loop. And thousands of hours of other self-development audiotapes.

The only secret to communicating with other humans is to make them feel good and important. That’s it.

The answer is easy, getting there takes a lot of inner work. We need to make other human beings feel safe, comfortable, good, important, etc without any nervous tics or awkwardness. This can take years of practice to master.

It’s all about inner state management.

If you come into an interaction hot, meaning amped up and ready, you will pull the other person into your orbit. And they will feel great being in your aura. You want the other person to feel warm and toasty in your presence.

If you come in cold, you will repel the other person or get drawn into their orbit. Regular people will feel awkward and nervous around you. Salespeople will thrive on your coldness and get you to buy their wares.

So our goal is to do whatever it takes to become warm and toasty like the sun. Maybe that’s exercise, meditation, hypnosis, coffee, affirmations, mirror work, power poses, therapy, journaling, eft, drugs, supplements, losing weight, building muscle, better clothes, cold showers, thumbing your chest, music, asking for divine assistance, carrying crystals, or whatever else it takes. It may take 15 minutes to get there or 15 years.

The end result is the same. Make the other person feel good.

That means direct eye contact. A great smile (I have yet to master this). Think Julia Roberts, Robert Downey Jr, George Clooney. Warm, loud, authoritative voice. Firm, open body language. Head up. Shoulders back. Being present and reacting to the moment. Complimenting the other person’s style. Asking, remembering, and frequently using the other person’s name.

You’ll notice that people react differently to you. Even though your outer appearance looks the same.

When you run cold, people think you are ugly and a loser. Girls refer to you as the creepy guy.

When you run hot, those same people will remark that you are handsome and cool.

It’s all a mirage. A parlor trick. A gimmick.
Once you realize this, life and communication becomes easier.

Resources:
How to win friends and influence people