Ninja Spider in my Bedroom

June 15, 2015

I have the whitest of walls in my apartment.
Combined with my hypersensitive eyes, I can notice the smallest dust particle floating if it’s dark enough.

Was laying in bed last night.
Reading something on my kindle. And I noticed something black on my wall.

You know the crease where the wall meets the ceiling?

There was a tiny furry black thing clinging there. Looking super out of place against the white background. I bet the spider wished at that moment his ancestors had evolved to become lighter.

I did a double-take because a) there are usually no bugs in my apartment b) I fucking can’t stand spiders.

Heart racing. Emotions rising. Body heating up.
My fight or flight system was activated even though this spider was the size of a quarter. Must be leftover memories from our cave-dwelling days.

I’ve reached the stage in my life where I don’t want to kill things anymore. I try my best not to, at least. Fuck bacteria, fruit flies, & mosquitoes though.

So I watched this spider for a few seconds.
Then went back to reading.
Looked back up again in less than 5 seconds, and it had now moved to the corner of the wall where all points meet.

That was fast.

I kept looking at it for another 30 seconds straight.
No movement.

Then I kept reading. Another 3-4 sentences.
Looked back up and the spider was gone.


I looked all over the walls and even on my bed.
Panic ickiness factor was high in my brain.
Where the fuck did that furry thing go so fast.

Then I wondered why the spider was here to begin with.
It can’t be here only to annoy me. There must be a reason. My bedshelf had leftover food containers from the day. Empty protein shake cans. Plate from dinner with food crumbs. And other trash.

Maybe he/she was following the scent of food.

I immediately trashed everything into a bag.

Kept looking around. The last thing I want is this furry fucker on my bed and crawling about.

Then I took my water bottle away from the counter to take a sip.
The spider was hiding right behind it on my small sea salt lamp.
Blending in with the dark background.

I have no idea how he went from top of the wall to the lamp.
There’s even space between the wall and my bedshelf. Did he jump?

Motherfuckin’ ninja.

I stared at it some more. Not wanting to kill it. Yet not wanting it near me. It didn’t move for the rest of the night.

I finally went to bed and had the worst sleep in years.
Dreamt of spiders crawling all over the place.

Woke up to find the lil guy had left.
Probably in search of breakfast.

I was surprised that the spider somehow knew when I was looking at it.
And it moved every time I took my eyes away to read. So weird.

Did not know the evolution game had gotten this advanced!