Silicone or All Natural?

May 27, 2015

In college, I stumbled onto this site that sells dog tags.
Those thin metallic shiny rectangles.
And you could have anything engraved on them.

So I bought a pair.
I think I wrote my name on em.
And maybe my birthday. Or something else.

I was really excited to wear them out.
Because they looked cool & unique.

Went to the bars.
Super crowded. Sweaty. Drunk.
This stranger comes up to me.
With all smiles.
Grabbed the dog tags dangling from my neck.
And asked “blahalsghsf or blahssahsfd?”

Leaned in closer.

“Army or navy?”


It took me a drunken second to comprehend.
I said neither.

He had this disappointed look on his face and walked away.
You know the kind of look when you find out those beautiful plants at your friend’s house are plastic. Something like that, maybe worse.

I didn’t realize it til I got home.
Oh, military people wear dog tags!
I had no idea!

At that moment, I felt like an imposter.
And a lot of people wouldn’t have cared.
Maybe I shouldn’t have either.
But I couldn’t look at those dog tags anymore.
In the garbage they went.

Give me the real deal or nothing at all.
No steroids. No growth hormones.
And definitely, for the love of god, no silicone!