If you think you’re going insane, you are not

May 24, 2015

Try to remember this the next time you have a panic episode.

I thought I was going mad a few times.

1. During severe winter depressions
2. While taking psychedelics
3. Taking psychedelics during winter depressions

Winter depressions result from low neurotransmitters and lack of bright light. Makes me paranoid, irritable, depressed, and lethargic.

Psychedelics depend on set & setting.
If I’m in a bad mood, mushrooms can make it worse.
If I’m in an unfamiliar environment, makes me way more paranoid.

At times, I’ve become convinced that I’m really a mad person
who is pretending to be sane. I was as sure that I was insane as the sky is blue, the earth is round, or that the sun exists.

I’ve been very fortunate to snap out of these mental states.

And what helps me are reality reminders.
You know how in the movie Inception, Leo Dicaprio uses a spinning totem as a reality check. If it keeps spinning, he’s in the dream world. If not, he’s in reality.

I keep notes on my computer, phone, and google calendar as reality checks. So that when I think I’m going insane, I can read what I wrote.

Things like:
– This feeling of craziness will pass. Trust me. Mushrooms only last 5-7hours max and I will feel infinitely better.
– Winter depression does not last forever. It’s a mirage. My real self is confident, comfortable, happy, positive.

And the most important note:

– If I think I’m going crazy, it’s a sign that I’m NOT crazy. Because insane people do not realize they are insane. Trust me. Wait it out. The feeling will pass.