My Friend Jerks Off Way Too Much! + Daily Happiness Rituals To Avoid Depression

July 16, 2014

TL;DR: My friend jerks off way too much. Whenever I do, it’s always because I’m depressed. Tracked my mood for 7yrs. Read daily rituals of successful people, positive psychology, spirituality, energy management, diet & mood books. Created my own daily ritual to keep me even keeled and away from the depressive roller-coaster. It’s working. Instead of being depressed for months at a time, now it’s 2-3 days max. My ritual for yesterday is included below.

“My all time record for jerking off is 24 times in 24 hours”
my friend said.

In college, guys compete over everything. I guess.

I was the type of person that never even said the words “masturbation” or “jerking off,” let alone brag about it.

My friend was the exact opposite.
Charming. Smart. Good looking. Athletic. Ladies man.
And likes talking about jerking off.

We’d be hanging in his apartment on a friday night. Handles of captain morgan being passed around.

He would declare that it’s time to jerk off, go into his room, & lock the door. Then come out a few minutes later, with a smile.

And no one made fun of him. He had that kind of confidence.

I tried (ahem) beating his record a few times.
Best was 11 times in 24 hours.
And it was torture. Not fun at all.

Being forced to jerk off 24x in 24hours should replace water-boarding as our go to punishment. Terrorists will give up, I promise.

So why did he jerk off 24x in 24hrs?

My theory is that we masturbate, not because we’re perverts.
We masturbate because it’s a natural, free, easy way to feel good – especially when depressed.

We all know that an orgasm releases a ton of good feeling chemicals in our brain.

Whenever I think about porn A LOT, or get the urge to masturbate frequently, it’s ALWAYS when I’m feeling terrible in life.

I’m at a low.

In a rut.

The shades in my apartment are closed. I have dirty dishes in the sink. I have chores & projects I don’t feel like doing. My mind is full of negative thoughts. I’m reliving old painful memories. Sometimes, I haven’t showered in days. I skip classes. I don’t answer my phone.

And like a drug addict, I turn to the easiest way to feel good. Porn is free. Masturbation is free. No doctor visit needed to feel good.

But it’s a self defeating activity. The more I do it, the more I feel guilty about doing it. Why am I such a pervert? Why can’t I get my shit together? Why don’t I just get up and wash some god damn dishes?

And lastly, how did I get here again? I had been riding high for weeks and somehow I end up here. At a low.

To solve this depression roller-coaster puzzle, I started charting my mood in 2008.

Daily, I rated my mood in a journal. Today was 5/10. Or 7/10. And the reasons why.

I wanted to end the roller-coaster of my emotional life.

Soon, I started noticing some patterns.

For example, when I’m in a healthy mindset:
I listen to music daily
I get out of bed easily
I meditate, drink water, eat clean, journal, & do the rest of my daily rituals
I answer my phone easily
I can make phone calls easily
I don’t think about the past. If I do, I quickly see the good in the past.
I can look at myself in the mirror
I can look at my website without wanting to erase every post
I can look at my picture on twitter without cringing
I can grocery shop without worrying that everyone is looking at me (ie: spotlight effect)
Thoughts come easily. I can speak easily about any topic to anyone and be on top of my game.
I laugh when I hear good stand up comedy (Louis CK, Chris Rock, Seinfeld, Cosby)
Generally feel positive about the future
I write blog posts easily
I make podcasts fairly easily
Eat frequent small meals
I jerk off 1-2x a day max. Other than that, I don’t think about porn at all
When I think of abraham hicks (or louise hay, byron katie, eckhart tolle, dalai lama, les brown, jim rohn, etc), I feel good & inspired.
I journal positive motivational things

When I’m in an unhealthy mindset:
I think of porn nonstop
I jerk off as much as I can, even though it’s not fun
I crave cookies, cakes, fast food
My willpower is low
I can’t imagine getting out of bed
I don’t want to shower
I do not care listening to music at all
Panic sets in when the phone rings, I don’t answer
I don’t leave my room
I couldn’t make an outbound call even if you paid me $100
Negative repetitive memories
I hate all of my blog posts, podcasts, tweets
I cannot look at myself in the mirror
Paranoid, neurotic, overthinking
When I listen to abraham hicks (or louise hay, byron katie, eckhart tolle, dalai lama, etc), I hate them all. I get more annoyed at positive talk. I start thinking they’re all phonies.
I start listening to conspiracy theories.
You get the point.

So now I’m aware how I act when happy vs unhappy.

How to make sure I stay happy as much as possible?
How can I avoid being in a rut again?

I started doing what other successful people do.
Most successful people have daily rituals.

For example, Jerry Seinfeld likes to wake up early.
Once he’s up, he’s up for good. He does TM meditation in the am. Likes to turn on sports radio. Then splash his face with cold water. Because he saw Jackie Gleason do the same in The Hustler. If it’s good enough for Jackie, it’s good enough for Jerry. Then he likes to eat breakfast along with his family. He pretends to read the newspaper but he’s really watching his young kids eat.
Source (i think it’s from this stern interview, not sure)

James Altucher has a balanced daily ritual.
He likes to do certain daily activities to optimize his mental, emotional, spiritual & physical sides. He exercises 20-30mins a day. Gets 8-9hrs of sleep. Eats clean. Exercises his idea muscle by writing down 10 new ideas a day. He cuts out all negative people, places & things. This includes not watching news & not going to weddings. To feed his spirit, he will pray, meditate, be grateful, forgive everyone, and read/listen to spiritual teachers.

Louise Hay has a strong spiritually-focused daily ritual.
– Wake up, being grateful for anything she can think of, before opening eyes.
– Shower, 30m meditation, then affirmations & prayers.
– 15mins exercise, usually on trampoline.
– Breakfast of fruit, fruit juices, & herbal tea.
– Being grateful of the food while eating.
– Before lunch, look in mirror + affirmations. Sometimes she sings them out loud.
– Lunch, large salad. Thanking the food.
– Late afternoon, a few mins on her slant board, for body relaxation.
– Dinner, steamed veg + grain, with friends. Blessings for food & friends.
– Evening, read & study.
– Write out her current affirmations 10-20 times.
– While going to bed, rethink of her day & bless every activity.
– Affirms that she will sleep deeply, soundly & wake up refreshed.
Source, page 103

Ben Franklin, one of the most accomplished humans,
had a regimented daily ritual.

Screen Shot 2014-07-16 at 6.55.10 PM

There’s even a book called Daily Rituals: How Artists Work, which outlines what 161 super successful folks do daily. The authors website has free previews.

What I Do Daily To Stay Happy

My only goal is to be happy.
I never want to end up in a rut again.
If I end up in a rut, which I usually do, I want to minimize the damage.
Instead of months of depression, now it lasts 2-3 days max.
I want to build positive momentum.
I want to be healthy in all four categories: mental, spiritual, physical, emotional
(a good book about this is The Power of Full Engagement)

No more: news, gossip, tv, commercials, negative people, weddings, binge drinking, strip clubs, breastaurants, family reunions, most parties.

Yes to uplifting: podcasts, comedy, music, people, places, things. Try to talk or text good friends/family.

I keep track of this on my iphone notes app.
Then use an app called PDF PRINTER to turn into a pdf.
Using the app, I transfer the pdf into my dropbox folder.
So I can look back to whatever day needed to see why I felt good/bad that day.

Seems like a lot of work?
It’s actually super easy and takes me just a few minutes a day.
I always have my phone with me anyways.

And this keeps me mindful. I would rather do this work than ride that emotional roller-coaster for the rest of my life. Being in a rut is not fun. And after 30yrs of finding myself at the bottom, I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay above.

The list combines:
chemical mood tools (fish oil, 5htp, tyrosine, dlpa)
positive psychology tools (gratitude, building positive relationships)
spiritual tools (audio, meditation, prayer, affirmations)
diet tools (drink water, green tea, eat frequent meals, food journal, exercise)
relaxation tools (tm meditation, 4-7-8 breath)
helpful reminders (like the fact that acupuncture, eft, massage, cognitive behavior therapy, power poses, etc exist, in case i forget during ruts)

The list is constantly evolving. Sometimes I add, other times remove. It’s best to create your own ritual rather than copy mine. I could always be wrong about something!

For example, this is what I did yesterday:

Daily tracker 7/15

Water 7x: xxx xx
Tea: xx

30gP 30m waking, eat 3hrs, 6meals
Use veg, psyllium, chia as fillers
Eat tons veg, c/p+f nite snack
Sleep earlier by 12a
Tyrosine 500mg: x
1-3am, 1-3midam, 1-2midnoon

DLPA 500mg: xx
1-2am, 1-2midam, 1-2midnoon

SAM-e 400mg 2B, 2L: xx xx
St johns wort 300mg 1×3: x x x
Xiao yao wan 6×2: xxxxxx xxxxxx

Fish oil 3.5g 5x: xxx xx

Tangyt 2×2: xx xx
VitD 2k: x

5htp 50mg: xxx
1-3midnoon, 1-3pm

Hypothalamus pmg 1×2:
Turmeric 500mg 1×2: x
Milk thistle 150mg 2×2: xx
TM Meditate am:
AM audio: x
Breath (4-7-8)x4: x

Lightbox: x
Morning pages: x

Exercise: x
1. Cardio hiit:
2. Shaper low carb am:
– endurance:
– sprint:
– shape & size: x10
3. Walk steps:

– i love & approve of myself

Main goal: xx
– exercise, acu doc
Manage energy 90mins
CBT/Reframe/Things are better
Sea salt bath, baking soda
Power poses
Resist nothing/scan body
Mental, emotional, physical, spiritual
TM Meditate pm: x
List of appreciation: x
23 ideas: x

Breath (4-7-8)x4: x
Visualize wealth:

1. I have a wonderful business
earning $10,000 every mo & more
2. I AM 220lbs, perfectly

– thy will be done & serenity
Sleeping w ear plugs & eye cover, deep sleep
2 tyrosine
2 dlpa

1/2 plateful eggwhite, egg combo
2 ckn thigs baked salt spices
1 ezekiel bread 80c 15gC
Ls ketchup, really good

2 tangyt
1T psyllium

1/4c wild brown rice
Plateful gbeef w broccoli cauli carrot, salt spices

2c frozen berries 140c 24C 22S
1T heavy cream 45c 5gF
Can have unlimited berries according to metabolic effect book

5-6 ckn thighs baked salt spices
Ls ketchup, ranch, s mustard
Really good
Cacao drink

Exercise 10m
Carbs after exercise is good
2 eggs over easy
1 ezekiel bread
4-5 ckn thighs baked salt spices
Bowl broccoli, cauli, acv, olive oil
Tasty, filling

2 macha tea
1 truelemon

2 tangy t
1T psyllium

3 5htp
Trying to sleep earlier

Photo Source