The Score Takes Care of Itself: Shotgun vs Sniper Approach to Finding Soulmate

June 20, 2014


It all started with Michael. And Scottie.
And especially Phil.

I came to Chicago from Kerala, India in 1992.

I had never seen basketball before.
I had never seen black people before.
I had never seen white people before.
I’d never seen winners winning like this before.

The only thing that mattered in 5th grade were the Bulls. And Nike shoes.
And Super Mario Bros.
I wasn’t a sports fan. But became a Chicago Bulls fan.

How are these guys doing it?
What’s their secret?
There has to be a shortcut.
Some metaphysical top secret?

That curiosity started the whole path for me. I had to know how to be great. I was so far at the bottom of life in every aspect that this was like a ray of hope.

So I convinced my mom to buy me shoes that are supposed to make you jump higher. I wanted to play basketball but was too shy to go to the park. I never even dribbled a ball. All I did was put on these shoes and jump around in the backyard. To get hops.

Well, I never got hops. And I never got good at basketball. I barely ever played.

Phil Jackson was interesting because he was an oddity among coaches.
Calm, cool, collected.
Doesn’t take timeouts when the other team goes on a scoring spree.
Doesn’t run up and down the sidelines.
Doesn’t flip out.
Barely ever does anything on the bench.

What kind of coaching is that???
How are they winning.
Is he even a good coach??

The seed of curiosity was planted in my mind, from watching the double threepeats.

There are no shortcuts.

As a guy who has spent 99.9999999% of life looking for shortcuts and being lazy, I will tell you that does not work.

It’s like in Office Space. The guy constantly changes lanes to go faster. Yet each shortcut he takes, it makes him more late. That’s how life is.

So I started reading Phil Jackson books (11 rings as coach, 2 as player)
Then Bill Walsh (great coach, 3 superbowls w/ 49ers)
Then John Wooden. (10 college bball championships in 12yrs, 7 in a row)

Soon a pattern of success emerged.

Bill Walsh wrote a book called The Score Takes Care of Itself.

He was brought in to coach and general manage the lowly San Francisco 49ers. Everything was going wrong for that organization. It was Bill’s job to win. Hopefully.

So how do you win championships?

He started from the bottom. Or top?
Every single thing had to be changed.

Self Respect.
Even though the team has been a loser, everyone is going to treat the 49ers like a first class organization. That means if you’re at practice, you CANNOT put your helmet on the floor.

It’s a god damn 49er helmet and we’re a god damn first class organization and that means we show god damn respect for the helmet.

It means we get rid of all the bad seeds.
Even receptionists who answer the phone poorly.

He created a Standard of Performance.
For the whole organization.
How to answer the phone.
How to clean the locker room.
How to hold your helmet.
How to walk, talk, think, behave.

Even how to leave the visiting locker room clean.
At that time, if you played an away game, the players would trash the locker room. Who cares? Someone else will clean it. And it’s not even our city.

Well, that has to change. We don’t trash other locker rooms because we are elite. We walk, talk, act like the champs.

It starts from the bottom.

It’s not just one shortcut play. Or one shortcut player.
To win consistently, you need to have right players, right coaches, right systems, right thinking, right organization.

Like Buddha’s eightfold path for enlightenment:
1. Right view
2. Right intention
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration

John Wooden starts with how to wear socks.

In his book, Wooden talks about how surprised his new players are. Each year, colleges recruit elite (often spoiled) highschool basketball players from all around the country.

So the first day of practice, these kids think they’re going to learn the true secret of winning. How does Wooden win so much? Maybe he runs top secret plays.


First day of practice starts with how to wear socks, properly.
Then Coach Wooden shows them how to wear socks and how not to wear socks.

Yes, socks.
And most players think he’s crazy.

But Coach knows that it starts from the bottom.

If a player cannot wear socks properly, he will develop bruises of his feet when running and stopping quickly on the floor. Once blisters form, it’s painful and performance suffers. Pain leads to slow movement, maybe a missed rebound at the critical moment. And that compounds into injuries. On and on.

The first thing is to wear socks properly. Then we can move on to the next basic step.

We can’t win a championship just by trying to win a championship.
Winning is out of our control.

It starts with everything else.
Do every single thing else that’s in our control, the right way.
We do our best. And hopefully the score takes care of itself.

And Phil Jackson

The right players: michael, scottie, and the right roleplayers
The right assistant coaches
The right system: triangle offense, fluid, ball movement, team play
The right thinking: we are all brothers working together. take care of each other on the court.

We meditate together. We sit in silence together. We help each other.

When something bad happens, Phil would burn sage around the locker room, to ward of evil spirits. A Lakota Indian tradition he picked up.

There are native american warrior artifacts all around the private training area.

Winning is more than just plays & players.

Sniper vs Shotgun Approach to finding a girl

So let’s bring this all back to me. Because that’s all that matters, right??
In 2008, I went to a pua dating bootcamp. I talked about that before.

A PUA model for success with women is to approach as many women as many days as possible. Then have sex with as many women as desired. Then when you find the right woman, you’ll be an experienced lover.

This is the shotgun approach to success. And it can work.

If we’re killing zombies, I want a shotgun. Because I can generally shoot in their area and it’ll hit as many of the targets as possible.

So the theory goes if we date & have sex with as many women as possible, we’ll get experience and eventually meet the right one.

One of the “bullets” has to hit the right one.

I’m too anxious (shy, introverted, not interested, whatever else) to try the shotgun approach to finding the right girl.

I don’t want to have sex with girls I don’t like. I don’t want to date girls I don’t like. I don’t want to waste any time.

Killing as many zombies as possible is a good thing.
Sexing as many girls as possible is probably a bad thing.

It’s going to affect your psyche. Every person takes something or deposits something into our hearts/soul/mind.

Look at before and after pics of porn stars without makeup on.
They look like actual zombies!

Same goes to guys who sex a lot of women. Something changes about them. Life force? A lot of negative psychic debris?

Either you believe in all of this or don’t. I do, but I could be wrong.

But how can we meet a girl if we don’t date a lot?

I don’t have an answer.

But I’m following Phil Jackson, Bill Walsh, John Wooden approach to dating, losing weight, making money, and life.

To find the right girl, don’t try to find the right girl.
To find the right girl, become the right guy.
By definition, the right girl wants to meet the right guy.

It’s just a theory.

“Do the best you can. When you know better, do better”
– Maya Angelou

So we all gotta do the best we can with the cards we’re dealt. And change when we get better cards.

It all starts at the bottom.
1. There are girls.
2. There are single girls.
3. There are right single girls & wrong single girls.
4. The right single girl wants to meet the right single guy.
5. The right single girl is the right girl because she is evolved, has done inner work, is healthy, loving, kind, compassionate, loyal, ambitious, blah blah blah.
6. The right single girl is the right girl because she has developed a radar for noticing the right single guy vs the wrong single/married guy.
7. The right single girl is probably not getting drunk at the bars, falling for pua sex tactics.

This goes on like this.
They are all assumptions.
They could be wrong, who knows.

So to win a championship, we have to do all the other right actions.
To win the right girl, we have to do all the other right actions.

If we’re happy, healthy, whole, loving, kind, successful, joyful, calm, strong, complete male, how is it possible the right girl will not find us?

And just like Phil Jackson is indifferent to winning or losing, the right guy is indifferent if the right girl doesn’t arrive yet. The right guy is happy regardless.

Anyways, that’s the sniper approach.
The sniper approach is to become the right guy to find the right girl, using a single bullet.

And it’s definitely NOT a shortcut. It’s a lot of work. Like way too much work. Like I wish I’d get punched in the face rather than do all this work, kinda work.

But seriously, it’s been a fun ride.

I don’t know if that analogy worked but I think you’re smart enough to have figured out what I’m trying to say by now.

Go read those books, if interested. They have more details than what I’m explaining here.

I’ve already written way too many words by now!
Ok I’m done. Done. I gotta go. No more words.