Why Do We Wear Underwear?

October 21, 2012

My thoughts remind me of Frank from Everybody Loves Ray – who thinks his thoughts are so cool that he tries to get them published in Reader’s Digest & Ray’s newspaper = only to be rejected for its lameness & absurdity!

The difference is that this is my site & I can talk about any nonsense I want and pretend to be important!

Anyways, I always wondered why we wear underwear & socks + girls wear bras.

Socks:

So to be a rebel, for a few months I stopped wearing socks with sneakers. I soon found out that the shoes started stinking to the point I couldn’t be in the same room as them.

That didn’t make sense to me because I saw a lot of “rebel” dudes wearing shoes without socks. How could they pull it off & I can’t?

Slowly it sunk it. Duh. We wear socks because our feet perspire. That’s our body’s natural mechanism to cool down.

There are a few major places where we lose heat: feet, hands, armpits & head.

You’ll notice in the winter when your apt is too cold, you can get significantly warmer by wearing socks or mittens. Or even a hat.

So the places we perspire also stink because of the salty water + chemicals our body releases.

If we don’t wear socks, the perspiration will leak directly onto our shoes & destroy them.

I found this out a couple years ago using many years of brainpower. Why I didn’t just google it, I’ll never know.

Underwear:

Now that I solved the mystery of the socks, my sherlock senses were on a roll.

We must wear underwear for a similar reason. Well, boxers/briefs/panties cover sensitive open areas in our body where waste products come out.

So the main purpose must be to absorb any “leakage” with secondary purpose being protection of delicate parts.

A third purpose naturally evolved which is to look cool: thongs, silk boxers, expensive panties, etc.

I remember I was hanging with this pretty blonde & she proudly mentioned she doesn’t wear underwear, trying to sound seductive. But as cute as she was, she couldn’t overcome the fact that she also is a bag of flesh, just like you & I. Her jeans of course had the odor of, ahem, leakage.

Alright fuck it, I’m not afraid to say it: it smelled like pee pee! Even cute girls trying to look sexy can stink.

So girls, not wearing underwear is not as sexy as you might think. And no guy will tell you the truth – it would be equivalent to telling the king he’s not wearing any clothes. We just won’t do it. You’ll have to figure it out yourself.

Bras:

Bras probably serve a few purposes.

Support: I guess it must be hard to walk around bouncing if you are voluptuous – so bra keeps boobs in place.

But even girls who don’t have big boobs wear bras, right?

So two more reasons:

1) Hide the nipples from poking thru. Weird that animals could care less about being naked but we’ve evolved to be shameful of our bodies.

2) Provide some padding & cleavage. Why? Cleavage runs our society. With the right cleavage, even if fake = sell products, more tips, free beers, attention, guys fighting to carry your luggage, etc.

Lastly, bras probably cover up boob perspiration. I have no evidence of this but just guessing.

Nowadays, expensive bras have gotten to the point where they barely serve the original purpose. Girls today wear such colorful & glamorous bras + panties that they can never look as good naked as they do with sexy underwear.

Yes, I said it. Many girls today look better with clothes on than naked. Human skin just pales to stack up to the awesome beautiful colors & material we wear.

Final Thoughts:

I was pretty proud to figure these things out by myself. Sometimes we do things automatically without realizing their original purpose.

I wore underwear because everyone wore them. But if we do things without knowing the original purpose – you’ll find yourself wearing shoes without socks and stinking up the whole place!

Or you’ll be wearing g strings thinking you’re sexy, walking around with stinky-butt jeans!